


Before the Journey

by heyitsamorette (AmoretteHD)



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8908582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmoretteHD/pseuds/heyitsamorette
Summary: Galadriel was sailing in the morning and Celeborn was not. But who else was she leaving behind?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Canon Divergence—Gandalf stays in Middle Earth
> 
> Thank you gracerene for betaing!

As she lay between her silken sheets and gazed out among the trees, she saw it. The tiniest fluttering of little wings. 

Galadriel stiffened, her heart in her throat. Her eyes roamed over the spot she’d seen it, but there was no longer any movement. Perhaps she had imagined it. It wouldn’t be the first time. She could not count how many nights she had stared out her window, eyes raking over her glowy green palace of trees and lanterns and fairies, looking for the moth.

Celeborn shifted behind her. She held her breath, waiting for him to settle back into sleep. When he was still again, she exhaled.

With much care and lightness of step, she got out of bed without waking him. The floor was cool under her bare feet, and she wrapped her gauzy shawl around her shoulders. Quietly, she closed the door to their bedroom and stepped onto the balcony. 

The dense trees made the balcony private and quiet. The golden light of the palace lanterns bounced against the trunks and gave the balcony a soft glow. Galadriel stepped close to the banister, peering into the dark depths of the forest before her. She listened. 

“I hope I did not wake you.”

Galadriel spun around, clenching the shawl tightly. “So it _was_ you.”

Gandalf’s smile was warm and familiar and reminded her of lost days. He stepped closer, and the smell of tobacco and spice wafted over her and wrapped around her heart. 

“I was just passing by,” he said, “on my way to gather Bilbo Baggins. He is to board the last ship tomorrow morning.” He eyes settled on hers. 

He was lying, and he was aware that she knew that. He hadn’t been just passing by, he had come here to see her. She wished he wouldn’t have almost as much as her body sang at his nearness. Would it have been better if she’d never seen him… or worse?

“I am aware that the hobbit will be sailing with us.” She did not smile -- couldn’t. “How will you ever part with him?”

“With him?” Gandalf’s mouth twitched. “Oh, it is true, Bilbo and I are old friends. But… you and I are even older.”

She wanted to reach out to him, but was thankful that the chill of the night air kept her clinging to her shawl. Otherwise, who knows what she would have done? Ran? Leapt? Flung her arms around his neck?

“Coincidentally, I have been thinking of those days,” Gandalf said. “They have been coming to me more and more of late.”

“I think upon them always.”

His eyes grew dark and he stood very still. When he spoke, his voice was almost somber. “My dear... “

She held her hand up then. “Do not spin pretty words, for they are purposeless, especially now when dawn will break in only a few hours’ time.” 

“They were not going to be very pretty words,” he said. “Only very, very sorry ones.”

A stab to the chest would have been less painful. 

She regretted so much…

“It doesn’t matter now,” she said quietly. 

For a moment, she thought he might be angry, for his silence was almost tremulous. But then he straightened his back and sighed. “And what of Celeborn? Has he made his decision?”

At this she smiled, if bitterly. “Celeborn will remain here to guard our interests in Lothlorien.”

If Gandalf was surprised, he did not show it. “There won’t be another ship.”

“I know.”

He took a step closer, and she almost did the same, but stopped herself just in time. His scent was becoming overwhelming, pulling her in like a flame, and she was one of his loyal moths. 

“And are you going to miss him?”

“Miss him?”

“Yes, are you going to miss your husband?”

“What kind of a question is that?” she spat, wishing he would not ask such things. Was he taunting her? Forcing her to admit, even if only to herself, that she had made the wrong choice all those years ago?

“It’s a very reasonable question to ask a lady who will part from her loving husband, possibly for all of eternity to come.” 

He was angry. She could hear it in his voice. 

“I think he will miss me more.”

“Don’t be cheeky,” he bit out.

“Then don’t ask things like that.”

“You know why you won’t miss him.” Gandalf grabbed her arm, and she gasped. She hadn’t been expecting him to touch her. And she really hadn’t been expecting the rush of longing that pulsed through her skin. “You know exactly why, and no matter how far away from here you sail, you won’t forget. You will never forget.”

“What do you want?” She scowled at him. “Do you want me to say I will never forget you? Of course I won’t. Is that all? There, you have it.”

He shook her. “Then why go?”

“I…” 

“It might not matter to you because you’ve hardened your heart and you pretend you are leaving all your earthly desires behind. But I have to live in this world, and from this morning on, it will be bereft of you.” 

Heat and tightness welled up in her throat and she realized she was in danger of crying. That would not do. She tried to swallow it down, all the while looking into his eyes and thinking how she would never see them again. They would be miles away across an endless sea. 

“Pity me, then,” he was saying. “If you don’t feel the same, at least pity an old man and grant him one parting gift.”

She kissed him then, and she knew it was a mistake, because now, how would she ever leave?

Minutes later, he was gone, and she wiped tears from her burning cheeks. She climbed into bed and lay down just as she had been not half an hour before, gazing at the beauty of the sprawling forest city. 

It had been so long that she could hardly remember; were there moths in Valinor?

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Contact me on tumblr: [@heyitsamorette](https://heyitsamorette.tumblr.com/)


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